Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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