how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
