ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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