I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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