So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
