im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
