True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
