I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
