when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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