I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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