Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
