I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
