I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
