take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
