We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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