How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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