Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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