he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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