You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Who died my cat blue again?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
