yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
