Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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