Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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