I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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