Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
