We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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