Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
