I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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