Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
