Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
