I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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