that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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