There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You made out with two different species that night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
