THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
