She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
