its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
