ugly people sure do ruin things
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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