I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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