Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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