Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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