Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
