His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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