thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's like heaven, but drunker
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
