I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
