I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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