Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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