No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
