I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
