My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
