More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
