Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
