So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
this will be a night to untag.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
