Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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