i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
