you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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