I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
