At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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