I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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