Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
