the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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