is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
