Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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