last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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