it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
