youre lurking in front of me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
