Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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