So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
