it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
