In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We need to rekindle our bromance
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
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