FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
