I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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