And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
