I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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