He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
