That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
