I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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