we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
