I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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