I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
