the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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