I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Someone signed my nipple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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