its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
