after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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