i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
