Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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