I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
