I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
