he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
