My balls are so social today.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
